The Art Of Saying “No”

You have a pile of work to complete before you can call it a day. Your manager drops a thick file on your desk, with the instruction to “draft a project proposal by today”. Your colleague asks you for a “personal favour” to cover for him as he wants to leave early for a social event. Would you say “no” to your manager and colleague, and accept the consequences? Or would you say “yes”, and accept the consequences – in the form of additional work and stress for you?

In a world that values productivity and people-pleasing, saying “no” can feel like a daunting task. But, as awareness of the importance of mental wellness grows, people are also recognising that saying “no” is an act of self-preservation and empowerment. It allows us to prioritise our needs, reduces stress, and encourages healthier relationships both in and outside of work.

SELFISH? UNGRATEFUL?

It is common to encounter resistance or objections when you say “no”, especially if you have been saying “yes” all along. For your own wellbeing, be mentally prepared for the initial negative reactions from others, such as:

• Guilt-tripping: Because guilt can be such a powerful motivator of human behaviour, people may wield it as a tool to make you feel bad, because they cannot get what they want from you.

• Fear of rejection: People who fear being rejected can become easy targets for bullies and manipulators, who use the threat of ostracism to bend others to do their will.

• People-pleasing inclinations: Although it is natural to want to take care of those we love and respect, habitually saying “yes” will make it harder to say “no”.

Be kind to yourself and understand that saying “no” is not about being selfish or rude. Instead, it is about setting boundaries and prioritising your own needs. When you consistently say “yes” to everything, you risk feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and resentful. By saying “no” strategically, you can:

• Reduce stress and anxiety: Overcommitting can lead to feelings of burnout and overwhelm. Saying “no” allows you to manage your commitments and maintain a healthy balance.

• Improve relationships: Authentic relationships are built on trust and respect. When you are honest about your limitations and boundaries, you are more likely to attract people who appreciate you for you, and not what they can get out of you.

• Boost productivity: By saying “no” to distractions and unnecessary commitments, you can focus on the tasks that truly matter. This can lead to increased productivity, a sense of accomplishment, and a happier you.

STRATEGIES FOR SAYING “NO”

Saying “no” can be difficult, especially during a face-to-face encounter. But with practice, and when delivered with kindness, it becomes easier, and more acceptable to the other party. Here are some strategies to smooth the way:

1. Identify your values: Understanding what is important to you will help you make decisions that align with your priorities. When you are clear about your values, it is easier to say “no” to things that do not serve you.

2. Practise assertive communication: Assertive communication involves expressing your needs and desires clearly and respectfully. Avoid apologising or feeling guilty for saying “no”.

3. Use “I” statements: “I” statements help you express your feelings without blaming or accusing others. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always asking me to do favours”, you could say, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too much on my plate”.

4. Offer alternatives: You can offer an alternative, especially if the other person is close to you. For example, if you cannot attend a social event, suggest meeting up at a different time or doing something else together.

5. Practise self-care: Saying “no” is an essential part of self-care. When you are rested, nourished, and relaxed, you are better equipped to handle stress and perform tasks that are meaningful to you.

Saying “no” effectively is a critical corporate and life skill, and it takes time to develop and master. Do not be discouraged if it does not come easily at first. With practice, you will become more confident and assertive in taking back your time and your life, and be happier and richer for it.