TAKEAWAYS
Imagine you are alone at a business event during break time. You have just gotten a cup of coffee and found a nice cosy corner to enjoy your beverage. Suddenly, a fellow participant, whom you are not acquainted with, saunters up to you to network. You are caught off-guard. How do you react?
At the workplace, networking is important for career advancement and professional development. Yet, many professionals find networking an arduous undertaking. For one, many find it hard to initiate conversations, especially with strangers, without feeling awkward or forced. Others struggle with “imposter syndrome” – a psychological experience involving persistent self-doubt regarding one’s abilities and accomplishments, despite clear evidence of competence – which affects their confidence and ability to stay engaged in conversations. There could also be an overwhelming concern about coming across as transactional or inauthentic, which might cause some to hold back altogether. On top of that, the challenge of finding commonality, particularly when speaking with people from different industries or more senior backgrounds, can be intimidating. For introverts, the extra energy expended to consistently engage with others in networking settings compound the already difficult situation.
Fret not. The good news is that it is not uncommon to have such emotions. The better news is that there is a way to overcome them.
For Ryan Lim, Founder of QED Changemakers, networking requires a change in perspective. “Treat networking as a means of having as many friends as possible,” he posits. Any ordinary individual will need friends who will help one another in various aspects of life when the need arises. Hence, we should make as many different types of friends as possible. We ought to switch the focus to making friends than feeling the pressure of networking.
Coincidentally, Mr Lim himself is living proof of the value of networking. He is a lung cancer survivor. Through the extensive network of friendships he has made, he was able to get timely help that accelerated the diagnosis of his condition; it also afforded him the best treatment option available, all of which immensely contributed to his recovery.
In addition, Mr Lim believes that networking is “learnable”, albeit, one must be prepared to put in a lot of hard work. Networking is a skill that needs to be practised and, learning comes from experiences gained from interacting with strangers. To achieve that, one inevitably has to meet up and talk to many strangers. Granted, this is not easy; but Mr Lim feels that most people give up too soon. He believes that one has to keep at it in order to be good at it.
“It is the law of averages. The more you try, the more successes you will have,” he says encouragingly. That said, he cautions that by the same token, the number of failures will also increase. But, it is all part and parcel of any learning process.
One vital aspect when talking to strangers is to keep the conversation going. To do this, Mr Lim supports the “Give three, take one” approach. “If you have something to give, you give first and then you give a bit more. Eventually, the other person will have to respond because he or she will feel very obligated,” he explains. Most people have reciprocity built in them, which makes this technique useful in sustaining conversations.
After the first contact has been made, what is the followup step? Mr Lim advocates adopting a repeatable system to facilitate the subsequent engagement process so that it does not become overly burdensome, since one can meet many people in a networking setting.
Firstly, one should discern the people to continue having a conversation with, as not all initial contacts may be suitable. Then, on a weekly or fortnightly basis, one can select 20 new curated contacts and reach out to them. If about 10 to 20% respond, that comes up to potentially two to four meetings which one can schedule in the week ahead. This is very manageable and helps one to keep in touch and build relationships with people who matter, as contact time has increased.
Mr Lim emphasises that the key, in the followup meeting, is “to be interested rather than interesting”. One is not there to showcase oneself; rather, one wants to find out more about the other person. The spotlight should be on the other person. During the conversation, one can then pick out relevant areas to elaborate on or connect with that person. This provides the impetus to further the engagement. “People like others who are interested in them,” he points out.
During your networking conversation, it is very conceivable that the other person will ask about you as well, to find out more.
For all of us, there is the professional self and the personal self. Depending on where the conversation is heading, you can choose either one to talk about.
When talking about yourself, the first thing is to learn how to introduce yourself. You can prepare for this self-introduction by identifying three things that you want to be remembered for, whether professionally or personally. Then try it out – see if other people can remember you by associating those things with you. You can always finetune or replace one thing with another as you keep practising.
With the right mindset and approach, networking may not be so daunting after all. The next time someone walks up to you at a business event, try not to view it as networking. Actually, you are not “working” per se – you are there to make new friends.
